Gods & Monsters: Curse of Strahd

Timid and Extreme

From the Chronicles of the High Lord Inquisitor of C’thulu

AKA I always know what’s best.


Over the River, and Through the Woods*** Part 1

Party appears in the woods near a dirt road.
- Where?! Wolves!
—Everyone except myself hides like a bunch of bitches
-
-Kip plays his actual personification (alignment) and the weather outside is frightful!
@My DEX Save roll is FUCK YOU KIP!@

COMBAT, COMBAT, COMBAT ETC….
- Fiolan rolls a Nat 20 and makes 3 werewolves EXPLODE!
- Fiolan rolls yet another 20 and sets a werewolf on FIRE!!!
- Our Rogue has a slightly inaccurate memory of events!


ALAN’S COCK BARELY FITS IN HIS PANTS!!!*
- and it has 9,999,999,250 XP apparently!


Mystery scrolls remain….mysterious.
Noting that I have a journal supposedly belonging to Strahd, I am resigned to say this handwriting is very shitty

WHAT A TERRIBLE NIGHT FOR A CURSE…..
- Where there’s smoke there’s smoke… cough
- Tent, campfire look to have been abandoned
- Why did this happen? My blood is cursed! I don’t have to do what He says! (Shit on the walls of the tent

OOOOHHH A symbol from a far away land –
Death Reaper identifies it as the crest of the Harpers

Something vexes me to totally annihilate the druid person in our group of merry men….. I choose to not slay him as it will be funnier to do it later…

I have gas – need sleep.

  • IF anyone reads this I will Witch Bolt the fuck out of you

Comments

Thats what she said, now it is time for what Death Reaper says. . . What he says. . .

OK. . . What the f*** just happened!?! Something is coming I will take the shadows like every one else, the Cunt-thulu fanboy just stands there.

The bi-polar druid shifts the poles and calls down a sleet storm. The Fanboy falls on his ass along with the wolves. . . Oh, did he forget to mention that part? He frys a couple of dogs that I warmed up for him. Golden boy shows up was probably helping an old hag cross the street. Fart in the breeze wakes up and joins the fight, promtly misses a wolf, literally lying down on the job, and cuts himself. . . “Hey this monster that is ferociously trying to kill us is lying on the ground, maybe I should help him up before I kill him”. He didn’t, I think his God advised against it. I knew there was a thin line between love and hate but Golden Boy seems to have found the line between righteousness and retardation. . . Fight ends. . . We win the day, hooray. . . Wait, where did tentacle face go? “Hey look, there is a tent! Think I will burn it down”. Not happening, hell, she is a fellow Harper, a batshit crazy one, but a Harper non the less. I stop the fire but tentacle anus skips tackles me and says I am welcome for not taking my eyes. Don’t worry, I got something for him. . .

Timid and Extreme
dartanion74

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