Gods & Monsters: Curse of Strahd

Timid and Extreme

From the Chronicles of the High Lord Inquisitor of C’thulu

AKA I always know what’s best.


Over the River, and Through the Woods*** Part 1

Party appears in the woods near a dirt road.
- Where?! Wolves!
—Everyone except myself hides like a bunch of bitches
-
-Kip plays his actual personification (alignment) and the weather outside is frightful!
@My DEX Save roll is FUCK YOU KIP!@

COMBAT, COMBAT, COMBAT ETC….
- Fiolan rolls a Nat 20 and makes 3 werewolves EXPLODE!
- Fiolan rolls yet another 20 and sets a werewolf on FIRE!!!
- Our Rogue has a slightly inaccurate memory of events!


ALAN’S COCK BARELY FITS IN HIS PANTS!!!*
- and it has 9,999,999,250 XP apparently!


Mystery scrolls remain….mysterious.
Noting that I have a journal supposedly belonging to Strahd, I am resigned to say this handwriting is very shitty

WHAT A TERRIBLE NIGHT FOR A CURSE…..
- Where there’s smoke there’s smoke… cough
- Tent, campfire look to have been abandoned
- Why did this happen? My blood is cursed! I don’t have to do what He says! (Shit on the walls of the tent

OOOOHHH A symbol from a far away land –
Death Reaper identifies it as the crest of the Harpers

Something vexes me to totally annihilate the druid person in our group of merry men….. I choose to not slay him as it will be funnier to do it later…

I have gas – need sleep.

  • IF anyone reads this I will Witch Bolt the fuck out of you
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Blights and Wine

Thought the company stranded in Barovia thought they were coming to find out what stopped the wine from shipping – they instead ended up staring down an army of needle and tree blights with their corrupted druid masters.

As luck would have it, most of their opponents were terrible shots and they survived. They met Davion and his family inside the vineyard house. He spoke about how these druids descended upon his home and family, robbing them of three magical gems, that not only made the wine fresh but spectacularly so, but also poisoned their wine vats as well.

He paid everyone handsomely and even said he would trade in a shipment of wine for some of the family treasure hoard.

Regardless, all of you managed to help repair the vineyard and purify the wine already in stock so that shipments throughout the realm can begin again.

Now heading back to the Blue Inn with a horse drawn cart full of wine, you are likely to be welcomed as heroes – if not for a few days!

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Loot and Night Hags
Assault on a burning Windmill

D&D 5th Edition Session 06/29/2016 Gods and Shitty Bartenders -

Previously on Curse of Strahd -

“Wow what a dick”exclaimed the drunk monk as he drank more of the vampire lord’s wine.

“I heard that!” shouted the disembodied voice of Strahd himself- shaking the castle walls as the Drunken Swords adventuring company made its way back to the creepy black carriage. After fighting some tree like zombies called night blights the group searched the grounds for anything the creatures may have stashed.

LOOT -

I awarded previous loot from the wraith / shadow strahd fight from the bondage pit – cool items included a mithral chain shirt and some gold gems.

Also awarded some potions and more coinage from the previous session – keeping it in line with the parties power level.


And now the continuation:

After taking a long rest you began your trek once again through the mountains along the Slavakia Road, it wasn’t long that something rather startling caught your eyes, A windmill off in the distance was in flame – though you couldn’t hear exactly what was going on from the distance you saw it – voices or screams could be heard over a quarter mile away. Hurriedly you ran up the jaunt from the road to where the fire and windmill were, But there was little time to investigate. Strange deformed old women were seen crawling strangely on their hands near the windmill. They cackled at you and warned you to stay away, but among the brimstone and wood embers, you heard children screams coming from the first floor of the windmill.

All of you dove into the fray, immediately attacking the first nighthag you saw. But they proved very powerful.. Gloria and Lisette managed to whittle one of them down while shawn’s character bravely went into the flames and rescued the captured children. The fight nearly going bad for one of the night hag’s – they plane shifted away from the battle – somewhere far from where the PCs were so they could lick their wounds.

Upon investigation into the windmill, you discovered that the night hags were the same ones capturing children or Barovia. Or more to the point – taking children from parents who gave them up so they could get the dream pastries they so much desired. Patries that were made from the bones of children that had souls.

Naturally the kids were grateful to have been rescued and are now accompanying you all down to Vallakia where a large inn and tavern with food and drink are waiting for you. There is a strange festival of sorts being planned soon – it would appear you all have arrived just in time for that….

What you don’t know in character, is that Tony’s group is also in town and will be having hilarity and role playing fun as both groups discover – we are all here. A chance to swap stories and choose new goals next week!

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